I frequently get the question: Why aren't you married?
If you knew me personally, you would know that I have a bag of responses. Here are some of them:
1. I'm getting married next year, March 14. To which, I would get back slaps, smiles and wishes of congratulations. Then they would ask, who the lucky girl is. And I would say, well, I'm still looking for her but at least I have the date set. Begin with the end in mind.
2. Married? There are many fish in the sea. But the sea is polluted.
3. Why marry and make one person happy and when you can stay single and make everyone happy? This has been miscontrued before.
4. I'm looking for a girl who loves God, follows Jesus and kisses really well. My pastor told me he wasn't able to help me with the last bit of the criteria. (Thankfully).
5. I am married. I have two kids. My wife isn't here because she is babysitting the kids. This usually invites more probing. Typically, I would clarify and say, "No I was kidding. I'm not married." However, this one time, I wasn't clear enough. And the following year a student approached me at an annual camp I volunteered at and asked how my wife was... So, no. I'm really not married.
6. I don't even know if my wife is born yet. This, I've found, is the most effective in terminating conversations about marriage.
But seriously,
I think some of my real reasons for not having the urge to marry are these...
1. I'm enjoying the freedom I have as a single man. I mean, freedom to go where I want. Freedom to plan my own route. Freedom to build friendships, and not worry if I'm offending someone. (I'm not one who goes all out friending everyone, but I've seen how some spouses can be so fastidious and controlling over their spouses choices of friends).
2. I feel I enjoy working and sometimes not having other commitments helps me to focus.
3. I think singlehood has preserved some amount of youthfulness in me. I don't think I look my age. I get along very well with young people (whom I feel led to encourage vocationally).
4. My time and concerns are taken up by caring for my mom. I don't think I am doing a good job at this at all. But having to manage the house payments, earn enough, manage a business, serve in church and still have a social life, can be consuming. The thought of moving out of my house to start life anew with a spouse, is something that puts a mindblock in me.
As I continue exploring, I think there are more latent reasons. No, I'm not closed off to marriage. But at this point, I'm open to not getting married. So I guess its a tightrope walk and either side I fall, will have its own adventures and challenges.
If you knew me personally, you would know that I have a bag of responses. Here are some of them:
1. I'm getting married next year, March 14. To which, I would get back slaps, smiles and wishes of congratulations. Then they would ask, who the lucky girl is. And I would say, well, I'm still looking for her but at least I have the date set. Begin with the end in mind.
2. Married? There are many fish in the sea. But the sea is polluted.
3. Why marry and make one person happy and when you can stay single and make everyone happy? This has been miscontrued before.
4. I'm looking for a girl who loves God, follows Jesus and kisses really well. My pastor told me he wasn't able to help me with the last bit of the criteria. (Thankfully).
5. I am married. I have two kids. My wife isn't here because she is babysitting the kids. This usually invites more probing. Typically, I would clarify and say, "No I was kidding. I'm not married." However, this one time, I wasn't clear enough. And the following year a student approached me at an annual camp I volunteered at and asked how my wife was... So, no. I'm really not married.
6. I don't even know if my wife is born yet. This, I've found, is the most effective in terminating conversations about marriage.
But seriously,
I think some of my real reasons for not having the urge to marry are these...
1. I'm enjoying the freedom I have as a single man. I mean, freedom to go where I want. Freedom to plan my own route. Freedom to build friendships, and not worry if I'm offending someone. (I'm not one who goes all out friending everyone, but I've seen how some spouses can be so fastidious and controlling over their spouses choices of friends).
2. I feel I enjoy working and sometimes not having other commitments helps me to focus.
3. I think singlehood has preserved some amount of youthfulness in me. I don't think I look my age. I get along very well with young people (whom I feel led to encourage vocationally).
4. My time and concerns are taken up by caring for my mom. I don't think I am doing a good job at this at all. But having to manage the house payments, earn enough, manage a business, serve in church and still have a social life, can be consuming. The thought of moving out of my house to start life anew with a spouse, is something that puts a mindblock in me.
As I continue exploring, I think there are more latent reasons. No, I'm not closed off to marriage. But at this point, I'm open to not getting married. So I guess its a tightrope walk and either side I fall, will have its own adventures and challenges.
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