The Bachelor's Life

I frequently get the question: Why aren't you married?

If you knew me personally, you would know that I have a bag of responses. Here are some of them:

1. I'm getting married next year, March 14. To which, I would get back slaps, smiles and wishes of congratulations. Then they would ask, who the lucky girl is. And I would say, well, I'm still looking for  her but at least I have the date set. Begin with the end in mind.

2. Married? There are many fish in the sea. But the sea is polluted.

3. Why marry and make one person happy and when you can stay single and make everyone happy? This has been miscontrued before.

4. I'm looking for a girl who loves God, follows Jesus and kisses really well. My pastor told me he wasn't able to help me with the last bit of the criteria. (Thankfully).

5. I am married. I have two kids. My wife isn't here because she is babysitting the kids. This usually invites more probing. Typically, I would clarify and say, "No I was kidding. I'm not married." However, this one time, I wasn't clear enough. And the following year a student approached me at an annual camp I volunteered at and asked how my wife was... So, no. I'm really not married.

6. I don't even know if my wife is born yet. This, I've found, is the most effective in terminating conversations about marriage.

But seriously,

I think some of my real reasons for not having the urge to marry are these...

1. I'm enjoying the freedom I have as a single man. I mean, freedom to go where I want. Freedom to plan my own route. Freedom to build friendships, and not worry if I'm offending someone. (I'm not one who goes all out friending everyone, but I've seen how some spouses can be so fastidious and controlling over their spouses choices of friends).

2. I feel I enjoy working and sometimes not having other commitments helps me to focus.

3. I think singlehood has preserved some amount of youthfulness in me. I don't think I look my age. I get along very well with young people (whom I feel led to encourage vocationally).

4. My time and concerns are taken up by caring for my mom. I don't think I am doing a good job at this at all. But having to manage the house payments, earn enough, manage a business, serve in church and still have a social life, can be consuming. The thought of moving out of my house to start life anew with a spouse, is something that puts a mindblock in me.


As I continue exploring, I think there are more latent reasons. No, I'm not closed off to marriage. But at this point, I'm open to not getting married. So I guess its a tightrope walk and either side I fall, will have its own adventures and challenges.

Glosoli by Sigur Ros

Amazing. Eclectic. Dreams are possible...

I wrote this song a few years ago and wanted to have it played or sung during Good friday or Easter.
It's a song about three gardens and three trees, that represent God's salvation for us all.


In the garden, by the tree
One brought me death
One died for me,
Eden to Gethsemane
My eyes were opened
But now I see
That I was living for a lie:
Thought my life was in control
Until the day He took my toll
Heaven's crying for my soul.

In the garden, by the tree
I look upon to Calvary,
The skies were darkened,
Clouds turned grey
Three men on crosses,
One, to obey
and showed me what "Love"
really meant
He was human and heaven sent
The Son of God my only way
Salvation happened on that day

In the garden, by the tree
On golden streets, He walks with me
We go down in history,
And talk about how things came to be
And then he looked me in the eyes
With a teary voice he said,
And His hand laid on my head,
"I'm really happy you came home...
I almost thought that you were gone...
My lost sheep gone astray,
Until that night I heard your voice...
In my garden there you prayed,
In my garden there you stayed...

In my garden, you were saved."

Broken Reveries

Wrote this song in the late nineties to early 2000s. Spanned over several years because I couldn't write the second stanza. Decided eventually that the song works okay with the 2-part-first stanza repeated twice.

This song is about how the world can be unkind and selfish, but there is a loving parent who's arms are open wide. When I wrote the song, in my mind I saw a little child crying by the roadside. Lost. Confused. I stopped, wiped her tears, carried and brought her to safety.

Broken Reveries

Little Child, don't cry
I will hold your hand
I'll take you far away
from this place
And your memories will fade away
And there will be no pain.

Little child, find yourself
In this reality
The world is so unfair and it hurts
When you're stripped off
your security and love
and you're left with broken dreams

* I believe that the sun still shines
on a dark and stormy day
I believe that the world still turns
when there are no more words
to say your prayers
In your broken reveries, I will be there

(Stanza repeated)

** Child hold my hand, I love you
I understand, what you're going through
Please hold my hand, I love you
I understand, what you're going through

* repeated

(The humming/scatting portion is a new addition. Not sure if that works, but oh well)

Blaming in vain,
Failing to gain,
Anything but pain.

Different

The world walked in a direction I couldn't

The world talked in a language I wouldn't

The world laughed at the things I revered

And defied the One whom I feared


I stand on two feet

only to lose balance

When I fall on my knees

My stability happens

Aerials

Life is a waterfall
we're one in the river
and one again after the fall
swimming through the void
we hear the word
we lose ourselves
but we find it all....
cause we are the ones that want to play
always want to go
but you never want to stay
and we are the ones that want to choose
always want to play
but you never want to lose
aerials, in the sky
when you lose small mind
you free your life
life is a waterfall
we drink from the river
then we turn around and put up our walls
swimming through the void
we hear the word
we lose ourselves
but we find it all...
cause we are the ones that want to play
always want to go
but you never want to stay
and we are the ones that want to choose
always want to play
but you never want to lose
aerials, in the sky
when you lose small mind
you free your life
aerials, so up high
when you free your eyes eternal prize
aerials, in the sky
when you lose small mind
you free your life
aerials, so up high
when you free your eyes eternal prize

S Y S T E M O F A D O W N

All Who Are Thirsty

---

©1998 Vineyard Songs (UK/Eire)
Words and Music by Brenton Brown and Glenn Robertson

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed away
In the waves of his mercy
As deep cries out to deep (we sing)

Come Lord Jesus come

Holy Spirit come

As deep cries out to deep

Alone

Just want to be left alone
Just want to be left alone
Just want to be left alone

Father into your hands
I commend my spirit
Why have you forsaken me

I cry when angels deserve to die
In my self righteous suicide

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated Lord to Thee